Hi all!
It’s me, Sam. I know it’s been a HOT minute since I’ve posted here, but since it is the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of my finishing chemo I’ve been feeling a little sentimental lately. Anyways, I’ve been thinking a lot about today a year ago and how beyond excited I was to have my very last chemo treatment. So here is a little story of my very last chemo treatment. I am going to be completely honest with y'all here... I have about the absolute WORST memory because let’s be honest chemo brain is a real thing. So I’m gonna do my best telling you all the details about this day.
October 4th, 2018:
Okay so let’s just say I woke up pretty excited to go to chemo (never thought that would happen), but I had gotten my chemo nurse, Carolyn, a couple small gifts and I could not wait to give them to her. Let's talk about Carolyn for a second. I could go on and on about this woman, but none of the words that I type could ever truly tell you how much she means to me. She was the biggest comfort to have every chemo treatment (well almost) and she knew the moment I started feeling bad when the pharmacy was backed up and chemo was taking 6 hours to get through. Carolyn was the biggest blessing to me (as well as my Oncologist and his nurse) and I cannot tell her enough how much she means to me.
Anyway, we got to the hospital as normal and I walked in super peppy and pretty sure I told EVERYONE that it was my last chemo treatment. I walked in and checked in and went to go sit in the waiting room to get my labs done. This was an early chemo day for me because I didn't have to go see my Oncologist as well. I walked in and talked to all the nurse technicians (I hope that's the right term) and wore one of the shirts that one of them loved! She loved it so much that I was her phone background for a little while. It said "She Believed She Could, So She Did" and YES I DID. I saw everyone and then when I was done with labs, I went up and waited for them to call me back from chemo.
Once they called me back, I knew the routine and normally halfway ignored it (whoops). It goes a little like this: "hi my name is ___ and your nurse today will be ___, now lets take your weight and do your vitals, here is your chair, blah blah blah". So I normally only half listen cause it always went "your nurse today will be Carolyn" except today it went "your nurse today will be *insert name I can't remember because it wasn't Carolyn*" and I said "hi um excuse me is Carolyn not here today?" and they said "No sorry it is her day off."
Um.... her day off?!?!? It is my LAST chemo treatment and you're telling me that my girl Carolyn is not here?
So this is how it went... I sat down in a chair (that was not on my normal side of the room) and was like this doesn't feel right. So then I saw another Chemo Nurse, Debbie, who I was quite close with as well.
Side note on Debbie: Debbie is the very first nurse I met when I went to get chemo the first time. She came down to help the nurses downstairs draw blood since it was really crowded. She called me back and noticed that my port in my chest that I used for chemo had never been used and had just been put in. She so kindly explained the whole process to me and looked up who my nurse was (Carolyn) and told me how much I was going to love Carolyn. Little did she know how much Carolyn would mean to me and little did I know that she went upstairs and told Carolyn the exact same thing.
Anyway, Debbie came over to me like she always did and said hello and the first thing I said to her was "Debbie, Carolyn is not here today!" and she was like "I know" and I said "Debbie, it's my last chemo treatment" and she was like "oh no, are you serious?!" And then you know what I did... I cried... like a baby and to be honest, I am not scared to admit it. I was so upset that this woman who meant so much to me and helped me through my other treatments was not there to help me through my last one and watch me ring the bell. You know what Debbie did? Debbie FaceTimed Carolyn for me. We called and she didn't answer, but don't worry, she did call back. She called back and Debbie gave me the phone and the first thing I said to her was "CAROLYN WHERE ARE YOU?!?!" and she said "I know I'm so upset that I am not able to be there" and you know what I did... I teared up because she was sad she wasn't there either. So we chatted for a few and Debbie asked her if she had any big plans today and told her that we were going to FaceTime her again when I ring the bell.
So this poor woman that I cannot remember her name came up to start my chemo treatment and all I have done is basically tell her that she wasn't Carolyn and cry. I felt so bad. And the whole time she was giving me chemo, all I could think about was that she is not Carolyn or that's not how Carolyn does this. Side note: all of the nurses where I got treatment were incredible and so was this nurse. She was just not what I was used to :)
During chemo, Debbie came back over and told me a story (that made me cry again) and this is the gist of the story: So above I mentioned that Debbie had told me that I was going to love Carolyn (and clearly she wasn't wrong), but she went and told Carolyn about me when she went back upstairs and I was in the waiting room. She told Carolyn that she had just met me and that Carolyn was going to love me (which I didn't know that she had told Carolyn). Debbie told me that an hour into my first treatment, Carolyn came up to her and said "you're right, I'm going to love this girl". I knew that Carolyn and I were close because most people slept during treatment and I kept trying to make her talk to me or tell her about the episode of Gilmore Girls I was watching, but I never truly knew how much I meant to Carolyn. I cried, obviously, my whole day was filled with tears (both happy and sad).
Anyway, chemo went *almost* as normal. My bff, Morgan, was there. Morgan came and sat with me for multiple treatments and just hung out with me like a true friend because lets be honest chemo isn't that exciting. Sydney (not pictured and wasn't able to make it, but wanted to give a shout out) also such a true friend almost always came over at her lunch break (even if it was only for a few minutes). AND of course, my amazing parents and older brother were there to support me as they had been for the whole process. My entire family had been absolutely incredible through everything!
After I finished all 4 chemo drugs, I got my on-pro on my arm and got ready to RING THE BELL. Back Story: my very first chemo treatment, someone went and rang the bell and Carolyn explained it to me and said soon that''ll be you. WELL HERE I AM CAROLYN, ringing the bell like you said. The tradition of ringing the bell at the hospital that I was at was that you would read the saying out loud on the bell and then ring it for everyone to hear.
So here it goes:
"Ring this bell three times well, it's toll to clearly say, my treatment's done, my course is run and I am on my way" .... and I have that memorized and whenever I doubt myself or feel myself upset or anything, I say it silently to my self and know that everything is going to be alright.
So that's most of the story. The day didn't go as planned, but here I am. 11 months in remission and one year out of chemo.
I cannot thank my friends, family, and work family for the love and support that they have given me. I cannot thank all of the doctors and nurses that I have met and talked to enough for everything that they have done for me.
Shameless Plug: This weekend, I am running the Win The Fight 5K to show my support and appreciation for the team that helped me so much last year AND I am participating with my company in Light The Night that is sponsored by the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. If you would like to last minute join either team or donate, please reach out to me and I will share where you can donate!!
Love,
Sam
It’s me, Sam. I know it’s been a HOT minute since I’ve posted here, but since it is the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of my finishing chemo I’ve been feeling a little sentimental lately. Anyways, I’ve been thinking a lot about today a year ago and how beyond excited I was to have my very last chemo treatment. So here is a little story of my very last chemo treatment. I am going to be completely honest with y'all here... I have about the absolute WORST memory because let’s be honest chemo brain is a real thing. So I’m gonna do my best telling you all the details about this day.
October 4th, 2018:
Okay so let’s just say I woke up pretty excited to go to chemo (never thought that would happen), but I had gotten my chemo nurse, Carolyn, a couple small gifts and I could not wait to give them to her. Let's talk about Carolyn for a second. I could go on and on about this woman, but none of the words that I type could ever truly tell you how much she means to me. She was the biggest comfort to have every chemo treatment (well almost) and she knew the moment I started feeling bad when the pharmacy was backed up and chemo was taking 6 hours to get through. Carolyn was the biggest blessing to me (as well as my Oncologist and his nurse) and I cannot tell her enough how much she means to me.
Anyway, we got to the hospital as normal and I walked in super peppy and pretty sure I told EVERYONE that it was my last chemo treatment. I walked in and checked in and went to go sit in the waiting room to get my labs done. This was an early chemo day for me because I didn't have to go see my Oncologist as well. I walked in and talked to all the nurse technicians (I hope that's the right term) and wore one of the shirts that one of them loved! She loved it so much that I was her phone background for a little while. It said "She Believed She Could, So She Did" and YES I DID. I saw everyone and then when I was done with labs, I went up and waited for them to call me back from chemo.
Once they called me back, I knew the routine and normally halfway ignored it (whoops). It goes a little like this: "hi my name is ___ and your nurse today will be ___, now lets take your weight and do your vitals, here is your chair, blah blah blah". So I normally only half listen cause it always went "your nurse today will be Carolyn" except today it went "your nurse today will be *insert name I can't remember because it wasn't Carolyn*" and I said "hi um excuse me is Carolyn not here today?" and they said "No sorry it is her day off."
Um.... her day off?!?!? It is my LAST chemo treatment and you're telling me that my girl Carolyn is not here?
So this is how it went... I sat down in a chair (that was not on my normal side of the room) and was like this doesn't feel right. So then I saw another Chemo Nurse, Debbie, who I was quite close with as well.
Side note on Debbie: Debbie is the very first nurse I met when I went to get chemo the first time. She came down to help the nurses downstairs draw blood since it was really crowded. She called me back and noticed that my port in my chest that I used for chemo had never been used and had just been put in. She so kindly explained the whole process to me and looked up who my nurse was (Carolyn) and told me how much I was going to love Carolyn. Little did she know how much Carolyn would mean to me and little did I know that she went upstairs and told Carolyn the exact same thing.
Anyway, Debbie came over to me like she always did and said hello and the first thing I said to her was "Debbie, Carolyn is not here today!" and she was like "I know" and I said "Debbie, it's my last chemo treatment" and she was like "oh no, are you serious?!" And then you know what I did... I cried... like a baby and to be honest, I am not scared to admit it. I was so upset that this woman who meant so much to me and helped me through my other treatments was not there to help me through my last one and watch me ring the bell. You know what Debbie did? Debbie FaceTimed Carolyn for me. We called and she didn't answer, but don't worry, she did call back. She called back and Debbie gave me the phone and the first thing I said to her was "CAROLYN WHERE ARE YOU?!?!" and she said "I know I'm so upset that I am not able to be there" and you know what I did... I teared up because she was sad she wasn't there either. So we chatted for a few and Debbie asked her if she had any big plans today and told her that we were going to FaceTime her again when I ring the bell.
So this poor woman that I cannot remember her name came up to start my chemo treatment and all I have done is basically tell her that she wasn't Carolyn and cry. I felt so bad. And the whole time she was giving me chemo, all I could think about was that she is not Carolyn or that's not how Carolyn does this. Side note: all of the nurses where I got treatment were incredible and so was this nurse. She was just not what I was used to :)
During chemo, Debbie came back over and told me a story (that made me cry again) and this is the gist of the story: So above I mentioned that Debbie had told me that I was going to love Carolyn (and clearly she wasn't wrong), but she went and told Carolyn about me when she went back upstairs and I was in the waiting room. She told Carolyn that she had just met me and that Carolyn was going to love me (which I didn't know that she had told Carolyn). Debbie told me that an hour into my first treatment, Carolyn came up to her and said "you're right, I'm going to love this girl". I knew that Carolyn and I were close because most people slept during treatment and I kept trying to make her talk to me or tell her about the episode of Gilmore Girls I was watching, but I never truly knew how much I meant to Carolyn. I cried, obviously, my whole day was filled with tears (both happy and sad).
Anyway, chemo went *almost* as normal. My bff, Morgan, was there. Morgan came and sat with me for multiple treatments and just hung out with me like a true friend because lets be honest chemo isn't that exciting. Sydney (not pictured and wasn't able to make it, but wanted to give a shout out) also such a true friend almost always came over at her lunch break (even if it was only for a few minutes). AND of course, my amazing parents and older brother were there to support me as they had been for the whole process. My entire family had been absolutely incredible through everything!
After I finished all 4 chemo drugs, I got my on-pro on my arm and got ready to RING THE BELL. Back Story: my very first chemo treatment, someone went and rang the bell and Carolyn explained it to me and said soon that''ll be you. WELL HERE I AM CAROLYN, ringing the bell like you said. The tradition of ringing the bell at the hospital that I was at was that you would read the saying out loud on the bell and then ring it for everyone to hear.
So here it goes:
"Ring this bell three times well, it's toll to clearly say, my treatment's done, my course is run and I am on my way" .... and I have that memorized and whenever I doubt myself or feel myself upset or anything, I say it silently to my self and know that everything is going to be alright.
 |
| Boomerrang creds to Morgan |
So that's most of the story. The day didn't go as planned, but here I am. 11 months in remission and one year out of chemo.
I cannot thank my friends, family, and work family for the love and support that they have given me. I cannot thank all of the doctors and nurses that I have met and talked to enough for everything that they have done for me.
Shameless Plug: This weekend, I am running the Win The Fight 5K to show my support and appreciation for the team that helped me so much last year AND I am participating with my company in Light The Night that is sponsored by the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. If you would like to last minute join either team or donate, please reach out to me and I will share where you can donate!!
Love,
Sam
 |
| Update: I did see Carolyn at my next Check-Up |
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